Authenticity
It’s Not Always Comfortable
Let’s dismantle another myth, shall we?
There’s this romanticised idea floating around that when you’re “living authentically,” life suddenly becomes this smooth, aligned, golden-lit montage of truth-speaking, chakra-balancing, boundary-setting glory.
Nope.
Sometimes authenticity feels like nausea. Like your voice shaking. Like someone giving you that confused side-eye because you finally said the thing you’ve been swallowing for ten years.
Sometimes authenticity gets you unfollowed, ghosted, or politely uninvited to the family barbecue.
But that doesn’t make it wrong. It makes it real.
The Cost of Pretending
We don’t just learn to edit ourselves—we have to, at first. As children, we depend on connection to survive. And so we begin to shrink here, soften there, smile instead of speak. We learn which parts of us are welcome, and which ones make people uncomfortable.
Dr. Gabor Maté says:
“The two most important emotional needs are authenticity and attachment. When forced to choose, we will sacrifice authenticity for connection.”
And we do. Because fitting in feels safer than standing out. Because losing love feels more dangerous than losing ourselves.
But over time, those small edits calcify into identity. The mask fuses with the face. We forget where pretending ends and truth begins.
The cost?
Disconnection.
Resentment.
A slow, silent betrayal of your own aliveness.
But here’s the grace: you can always come back. You can remember. And you can reclaim.
Discomfort is the Doorway
Here’s the twist: the very discomfort you feel when you speak up, when you show your edges, when you choose what’s true over what’s easy—that’s the sign you’re doing it. That’s the proof.
Authenticity isn’t supposed to feel safe all the time. It’s meant to feel clear.
Even if it costs you comfort, it returns you to congruence.
In Human Design, we talk about alignment with strategy and authority. But that alignment isn’t about pleasing others—it’s about being true to your own inner compass. Even when it steers you away from the crowd.
What it really means is: trusting your inner compass over external consensus. Being willing to go off-script. To be misunderstood. To be you.
Signs You’re Being Authentic (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable…)
You say “no” and your stomach clenches, but your chest feels open.
You admit the truth and your voice trembles, but your breath deepens.
You make a decision others don’t understand, but you feel lighter.
That’s your body saying: This is me. I’m home.
Practice
build your capacity to be seen
Authenticity is a muscle, not a moment. It strengthens each time you choose truth over performance. Start small. Try this:
Tell one trusted person something true that feels a little scary to say.
Express a real opinion—even if it’s not popular.
Say yes (or no) without justifying or explaining yourself.
Then celebrate the hell out of yourself. Because that’s courage, right there.
Journal Prompts
Complete the sentence: If I were being fully authentic, I would…
The part of me I’m most afraid to show is…
What’s one truth I’ve been avoiding, and what would shift if I spoke it?
When was the last time I chose truth over comfort? How did it feel?